Home > Uncategorized > Entry for May 02, 2008

Entry for May 02, 2008

I have many books that I purchased while I was a regular at the Siddha Meidtation Center and the Informal Siddha Meditation Center in Gainesville, FL but I often found some books too difficult to read, i.e. Paul Mueller Ortega’s The Triadic Heart of Shiva or one of the scriptural texts like the Shiva Sutras or the Spanda Karikas (I never purchased the famous and oft spoken of Prayabhinnarhidayam) and some I only gave a cursory glance to and some I read with a typical visit to the library state of mind.

Some of those books were purchased years ago and now live among the shelves and on the floor of my house in Melrose. Before my mom had the stroke that eventually took her life I was reading about a yogi’s ability to make the body deathless in The Triadic Heart of Shiva. After mom died I finally understood what Baba’s book Does Death Really Exist was all about. He wasn’t saying death didn’t exist. He was trying to get it through our thick skulls that it does and we had better get prepared for it.

Lately I have revisited Play of Consciousness and Kundalini, The Secret of Life. I put a quote from Kundalini in my blast, above.

I was at my favorite garage the other day when I read about something that Baba went through. He mentions on page 34 of Kundaline he was very sick and he was passing 40 – 50 stools a day. That almost compares with the 12 heart attacks claimed for Swami Bhaktivedanta Prabhupada crossing the ugly face of the Atlantic in the ship Jaladutta in Planting The Seed by Satsvarupa Dasa.

It eventually passed. I found a great deal of joy reading the stories of Indian saints years ago. I was kind of intense about them and I think it may have caused a little trouble for me. I had something of a one track mind. It was impossible for me to think of reincarnation not being the fact. I was very angry with everyone who didn’t believe in the Indian way or was in my way to follow it. It was part of why my mom brought me to the Alachua County Mental Health Clinic nearly 30 years ago. After some time I was introduced to a book called the Urantia Book. That was in the 80’s even after Baba had died I think or about that time. He died in October of 1982.

I read again about how the awakening of the Kundalini can make a person drowsy and also make them mad. I have been both. I suppose I have received Shaktipat since I have taken many Intensives and visited the ashram in South Fallsburg, N.Y. I have though fought the idea that I received Shaktipat because I have been upset, not ecstatic. I have felt enthused after a long chant at the Center, the Guru Gita or others but I haven’t been able to say – this is a spiritual experience. I had been living with my parents and not seeing people so just seeing people, singing with them and knowing that it was the Indian mantras we sang gave me spirit but I never called it a cosmic or spiritual experience. I did have one when I chanted Hare Krsna but I had a problem with it. I couldn’t decide to join and thatnks to this I think I was having these terrible dreams. The dreams went on for many years. I was having problems at the same time with mom who had been angry with me although she always claimed it was with my father. She had given me a difficult brain teaser when she said I looked just like my father one day when I had returned from a big week up in Arkansas where my naked girl friends were visiting with other friends.

I didn’t know why I looked like my father. She also told me that I had had words with my father when I came in, but I hadn’t. It was like the God of the lie in Zoroastrianism. There is the God of the lie and the God of the truth in that religious philosophy. Many lies were circleing around back then, late 1977.

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