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Entry for May 04, 2008

I chanted the Mahakshmyastakam Stotram. The cat started meowing just as I got to the end. I got angry at her.

Then I had to take my pills. Metaformin, metaprolol, trandolapril and glipizide.

My mind drifted. You know I am often brought back to a comment my supervisor Mrs. Kulz said when I had that job through work/stud on my Pell Grant back in ’99. She called my office assistant position a dead end job.

The thing was it didn’t give you raises, there was no promotion available giving you more pay that I am aware of since it’s a fixed wage determined by your grant and it was the same thing every day. But, you know, it wasn’t hard work and it wasn’t dirty. I dealt with pretty colored paper and a golf cart and I was in an office with attractive people and posters and clean new machines. That’s not so dead end to me.

My friend Jack Collins had a job working for Coca-Cola Bottling in town and he came home looking filthy. And tired. It was totally demanding work. I cringe to think about him having to put that on those god damned application forms when he applied for work. He had to remember the place, the supervisor and all that shit.

I haven’t worked since 1999. I had hoped my certificate in data processing was going to get me a job but when I tried to rape the Internet teacher the tide turned on me.

Well, no, I didn’t try to rape the Internet teacher. Her name was Michell Ratliff. Maybe she has changed it, I haven’t seen it posted at the SFCC website among the faculty. Her class was an online class. No personal classes although I was told by someone who claimed to have more authority that online classes are just like in person classes.

I was affected by this woman’s appearance. She looked just like a woman I was involved with once. A fight had broken out over this girl and it changed my life. And so with Miss Michelle Ratliff.

But let’s forget about that. Nobody is going to fix our old grievances just like the DNC is going to give us Florida Democrats credit for our votes.

Let’s put that right out of our mind.

Om Namah Shivaya. Om Namah Shivaya. Om Namah Shivaya.

Here’s something else. Have you noticed when you relish one book you can’t enjoy another. For instance, if you relish the works of A.C. Bhaktivedanta Prabhupada you can’t enjoy the books in Siddha Yoga.
Because Bhaktivedanta rails against Vashistha and devotion to the Goddess (the Mother).
It’s just I have this book called The Goddess which is a translation of Devi Mahatmya which is said to bestow many blessings, benefits, including sexual love, but I find it a little hard to read the actual scripture.
Prabhupada’s books are full of interpretations he calls purports in which he comments on the text. There is little of that among the books I’ve read in Siddha Yoga and so they have to be approaced differently. I think first you must consider the works divine, or supreme. This is the thing in Krsna Consciousness, right away you have a concept of God consciousness working with you. In Siddha Yoga you don’t get that. YOU have to supply it.
For instance lately I’ve been struck by a verse in the Guru Gita that says in order to know the true nature of the world I consider you to be my father, my mother, my brother and my God.
If you put a comment like that out there it will be attacked and abused seemingly without end much as what the Krsna devotees get. YOU can’t get by the renunciation, the opposition to abortion, the no smoking, drugs or even caffeine (coffee, tea) and the vegetarianism and vows of brahmacharya. Those things are attacked all the time by those who like sex and drugs and rock and roll, 3 fabulously wealthy institutions.

Well my mind is just spinning out right now. I’m on my second cup of coffee.

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