I’m feeling a little betrayed today that I cannot get a job.
I worked hard last night on my personal webpage. I changed the picture of mom and the blurb underneath. I also removed my e-mail address.
I bought the latest edition of Play of Consciousness and it has an Afterword by Paul Mueller-Ortega. He’s a very scholarly fellow who wrote a book called The Triadic Heart of Shiva. I thought he had written another but somehow I have lost track.
In Mr. Mueller-Ortega’s Afterword he mentions becoming afraid during meditation, afraid of dying and something in the book helped him overcome the fear. Strangely enough I paged through the book and there is a chapter on the fear of death. It was something Baba had himself experienced.
Somebody please read the book and tell me that’s how it is because I get tired of picking it up again and again to see if it is exactly the way I remember it. In the Afterword Paul speaks of many ways to study Play of Consciousness. In his last statement on the book he says turn to this book in difficult periods of sadhana for renewal, solace, guidance and strength. He mentions when he was having trouble in meditation with fear, even the fear that he might die and he found in the book Baba’s own experience with this. And I found it too in Chapter 30, Fear of Death, pages 199-200.
I kind of like this new edition of Play of Consciousness. I wouldn’t buy it for a long time because I thought it was too expensive and I wanted other things. I did buy a copy for my brother one Christmas. He has never mentioned it and I assume he wants me to think it got lost in shipping.
Gurumayi says some interesting things about Play of Consciousness in her Introduction. First of all she speaks of the incredible power of the book that one may gain the direct experience of THAT simply by touching it or glancing at it. I was later interested in a statement she made that one need not have all of the experiences described in the book, in fact they may have none but they will still be making progress. I am greatly encouraged to hear this because many have spoken again and again of Baba’s being snake bit and his accompanying statement that this was known as a sign of advancement in meditation. Now there’s a terrible fear, isn’t it?
Well, severe weather alert on my Weather Bug here in Melrose and there is a pretty severe thunderstorm that has knocked out the satellite. I was watching the Yanks Mets game.
I just got up about an hour ago. I missed part of the game. I thought I had it set to record but it didn’t. That seems to be happening frequently lately.
I had a dream last night that my mother and father were alive and that my father was cheating on my mom. Seemed very true as I awoke. Even as I slept I kind of “got it.”
I’m so delighted. Yesterday, on Gurumayi’s birthday, I found a mala I bought months ago under a chair I moved for the fellow who was installing my new dishwasher that I don’t have to begin to pay off for a year.
Today, I received a parcel I ordered from SYDA that included a tape of Mere Baba Muktananda being sung by Gurumayi, the latest edition of Play of Consciousness and a song by Kabir sung by Gurumayi in the 1998-99 Winter Retreat.
I wish I could focuse better on this word retreat. It has nothing to do with war, you know. It’s a wonderful time, a vacation if you will but I am always thinking of cowardly running away when I say the word of hear it said.
This song by Kabir is called Dance My Heart.
Google has some good entries on Kabir and I strongly recommend them. Here is one with some video that includes a comment by Maharaji.
I was going to go to the center tonight, the Siddha Meditation Center, and I worried about it. I have so much trouble with going to places – especially places that are important to me. It’s quite a bit like going to the house of that girl you like. There are issues, etc. But, I listened to Kabir on one of those videos and he told me of the foolishness of pursuing God outside of yourself. He mocked mullahs and sadhus who appear to announce that they are renounced with their dress and outward appearance. What good is it, he said, bowing to the lingam if you haven’t realized God in your own heart?
I feel that, too. I feel it is artificial going to the center. None of those who visit the center will associate with me otherwise so how could that be God? God is love, is he not?
Got my new dishwasher. Nice fellow installed it and hauled away the old one for $10.
The ten is a disposal fee.
Took about an hour. He gave me advice on new appliances and his number.
You know how this works is Sears contracts the work out. So a fellow right here in Melrose, or the company he works for does the work.
I’m thinking of a new range and a new refrigerator.
Oh, hey, remember this is Gurumayi’s birthday. You should visit the nice homage to her at the website.
Just washed my kitchen floor. Boy did it need it.
Actually I took a little midnight ride before I got all those little spots that the Swiffer couldn’t get.
I had a lot of trouble finding the picture I wanted, Gurumayi and Baba in From the Finite to the Infinite, so I put in this signature of Ram Butler’s.
Ram gave a meditation course that consisted of reading 10 pages of text on good white paper. I liked it but after my father died I got a little antsy and disagreeable. I canceled my subscription and then tried to start it up again and I couldn’t get that done.
I have the feeling they are reading my stuff over at Taylor Marsh’s. People are mentioning Lowe’s. My God! What kind of a coincidence could that be?