Home > Uncategorized > Entry for August 09, 2008

Entry for August 09, 2008

I worked out today. I met a guy in the sauna to whom I had told my unfortunate circumstances, being unemployed for so long, spending what mom had left for me and now depending on credit cards. Today I told him my unemployment continued, but I forgot to tell him how I finally got my U.S. Bonds cashed.
I had told him about the bonds. It took me 2 months or maybe more to get through all the paperwork and processing to get the twelve $25 bonds cashed. I had found them on the kitchen table of all places and kept them in the safety deposit box for a long time. I had no one to encourage me to cash them quickly so there they remained until the money from the sale of the remaining stock ran out.
Mom left about $44,000 in stock when she died but after her funeral which was $12,200, I had a credit card debt of around $20,000. So, I guess I went through $24,000 since mom died on January 12, 2007 of a stroke she suffered on Dec. 16, 2006. She was 89 and the doctor said there was too much bleeding. He could not predict recovery. I didn’t know what that meant. I thought it meant she wouldn’t walk and talk again, but then again it may have meant she was going to die. I was surprised when I took her from Shands Therapy Hospital to the University Place Nursing and Care facility and she was almost immediately put on palliative care. I didn’t know what palliative care was even.
Anyway, I keep feeling like I didn’t deal with it too well. I wasn’t prepared to deal with it. I was too dull and spoiled or maybe I was too beaten and discouraged to suddenly rally and become a bright light for my mom which she said I was anyway.
I saw my dentist at the organic foods market. I had to tell him mom had died. In a way he kind of woke me up. He’s a smart man and he used to gab quite a bit while doing his work. I stopped going to him when I felt a crown he gave me was not a good fit, the wrong crown for the tooth. But you know they make those impressions on the tooth to obtain the crowns so it may have likely not been his fault. Anyway, I haven’t been to a dentist in years. This dentist had retired.
But he was a country man and enjoyed fishing and playing softball. He reminded me a lot of Gene Hackman, happy go lucky. He said to me, summing up my situation that I was happy and I laughed. He had to be kidding!!!
You know Adidam Samraj says that. It’s the position of many sages that it is our innate condition – happiness. But people say that other people are happy so that need not be put out too much. I’m sure their conditions are as unhappy as mine. In fact Baba Muktananda said that – do not go on about how hard things are to people because they are having a much more difficult time than you. I don’t know how he knows that, but it’s certainly something to look out for. You may increase your own heartbreak by revealing your misery to other. When they tell you how hard they have it you may really get the blues.

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