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Entry for August 23, 2008

I made the most wonderful juice this morning, mango, apples, grapes, pineapple, bananas and raspberries.
Oh my God was it delicious!!!

Speaking of the Deity, I read a bit from a DARSHAN magazine, one of the later ones, the ones that were smaller and less expensive than the originals.

There was a talk by Mayi and she was speaking about doing. The title of the talk was, “What is the texture of our striving?”
She was very sensitive discussing problems with failure and experimentation and I really related to that. She was discussing not being the doer. We take so much pride in the things we do although indeed it is the one inside us who is the doer. We take credit for the good things and consider some of the things we do to be bad and yet they are all the doings of the Lord.

I’m not copying the talk now I just remember some and know the philosophy a little bit. I think the doing by the Lord are called the karmendriyas. I might look that up. I’ll do that on the Net as I am long past the paging through the books and looking up things in indexes. I did a lot of that some years ago. You could call it the late 70’s and the 80’s. TV and the Net destroyed a lot of that but so did chanting and the Intensives. Oh and Her videotapes.

In fact she was discussing these things on a videotape I have in which she discussed the Bhagavad Gita. A lot about renunciation. People came to Baba, she said wanting to renounce, become swamis. I understood that perfectly. I wanted something like that. So many people applied to become swamis. She says though that something special is necessary to this renunciation. She speaks of three types of renunciation in the tape which correspond to the three gunas, tamas, rajas and sattva.

Oh, boy, that juice was so good.

I have also been experimenting with some Indian simmer sauces. I brown up my Veat. Then I add the sauce.
It’s simple. I’ve been trying to put some vegetables like cauliflower and broccoli, red, yellow and green pepper and maybe a slice of Vidalia onion. Last time I made it I used coconut oil which is supposed to be the only good saturated fat oil, it doesn’t clog the arteries, and I put a bit of this hot curry powder I got at an Indian Grocery in, then I added the cauliflower and broccoli. Later I added the peppers and onions.
It came out ok.

Back to that juice. I put the mango throught the Jack LaLanne Juicer. First I had to remove the pit. I put one half of the mango with the peel though the juicer and I was unsure if that would be bitter because I have had watermelon rind through the juicer that was exaclty that. So the other half I peeled. I put grapes in, pulling them from the stems but otherwise putting them in whole, and the pineapple I just cut in sections and I put a thick slice of pineapple through the juicer. All this stuff was full of pulp and there was not much juice to look at so I added apples. I had to add 3 or 4 apples to give a juicy feel. Then I poured all that into my Cuisinart Mixer.
I had bought this Cuisinart Mixer for my mom for Xmas. It was much more than what she wanted. She wanted a simple mixer that she could make her smoothies in because hers had stopped working. So, I bought this $90 mixer and I don’t think either one of us could figure out how to use it. All I ever did was make ice with it. Mom apparently didn’t like big fancy machines because I remember when Kathleen gave her a food processor called LaMachine and she didn’t like it. I loved the thing and I half thing mom was trying to get my goad because I feel now that I really didn’t express my feelings very well for mom. I was afraid of being thrown out and having to live on my own which would be a very bad scene for me.
I used to make Baba Muktananda’s Savory Cereal with La Machine. The recipe required chopping onions and tomatoes and La Machine did that exquisitely. Maybe mom just hated France or the French, I don’t know. She didn’t think she needed La Machine and she brought to an auction her women’s club was having and let them auction it off.
Mom was a little bit “off” that way. That’s what she said I knew about her whenever she went to bed. Well, I’m off, she said, but you know that don’t you? That was for bed, in her shopping days she used to say, “I shall return!”

I remember that I came to saying goodbye instead of goodnight when mom would go to bed. I think it was in the 80’s. I later repented of the saying feeling that going to bed was nothing like going away – or dying.
My brother Bill used to yen for my father to die and somehow I came upon that myself and so the concept of death lingered about the house throughout 2, maybe 3 decades. I have learned now that we have a lot to learn about death. Most of us ignore it. That’s the thrust of Baba’s, “Does Death Really Exist.” I used to wonder, even though I had turned its pages to the end, what exactly was he asking me. Was he saying there was no death? No, I have found out, he is saying there is indeed death and you had better get ready for it.

In light of that statement it’s good to read Gurumayi saying not to get all hung up about and stressed out as people on the path are prone to do. I will meditate, I will chant, she says. It reminded me of when I was in school and I was so disappointed in my grades and how I was doing. I had missed things and there was no way to study those things once the grades were over when there were no teachers. I especially regret not learning the table of elements to sufficient degree. I was so hung up on baseball then. That’s when Mickey Mantle won his last MVP, 1964. Science and the science project were just not my strong suit.

Be kind to yourself, Mayi said.

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