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Archive for October, 2008

Entry for October 30, 2008

October 29, 2008 Leave a comment

Oh, well, the Rays lost.
I guess you have to questions when you lose.
Should Baldelli have hit? Should there have been a steal of third base?
Why didn’t we run Crawford on the first pitch when Upton was up?
Why wasn’t Maddon extremely mad in Game 4 when they picked off Jimmy Rollins and the ump got it wrong? He might have excited his team that way.
Was it that the Rays just didn’t want it bad enough?
I had to laugh when Joe Buck referred to Evan Longoria at third base as “the rookie.”
It’s so prejudicial. Experience preferred!!!
Like experience will teach you how to hit a curve ball.
They don’t like early retirement up there in the booth. They want you to play your 20 years and if you’re any good, set records, go into the Hall. How long did Sandy Koufax play? Do you still remember “the Bird” Mark Fydrich? His first year was his biggest. Derek Jeter was a great “rookie,” look what he did. But they are “not trying to put down rookies here. ” The forever defense of the broadcasters. They are impartial even thought they might have played for a team or their dad may have called plays for a team, still totally impartial.
Anyway, the Rays could have played better. Think – if Iwamura catches that pop fly, no runs score, maybe the Rays win. Well, that’s life.
I have an appointment with the cardiologist today at 2 P.M.

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Entry for October 20, 2008

October 20, 2008 Leave a comment

Well isn’t it great that the Rays won Game 7 in the ALCS?
I was thrilled to tears totally glad that the Sox were going home.
Ever since there 2004 comeback I’ve been a little pissed off.
You know it’s odd. You don’t know you are rooting against a certain team until TV comes around and says there is some kind of jinx or perhaps a little “monkey business,” to their losing. I liked Roger Clemens but I must admit to rooting for the Mets when the Mets beat the Sox in the World Series. What the hell. I’m an ex-New Yorker.
I was really thrilled the Rays held on. What an 8th inning!
Those damn broadcasters really play the stuff up about Red Sox comebacks. Was it in the 9th when Drew came up and the announcer said he “always” comes through? Or was it still the 8th? Weren’t there 2 runners on? A homerun would have spoiled so much! Oh, my God, Drew strikes out!

I had a dream last night. My mom was sitting in one of the squares in Hollywood Squares. Oh it was a funny dream. Mom was visiting offices as seemed to make her happy. Maybe it has something to do with my computer learning. I’ve learned so much about MS Office. Maybe that’s it indeed. It seemed a little like the offices where the Alachua County Mental Health Clinic convened in the 1980’s. It was nice to see her face but she was a bit quiet like she was after the stroke and wearing blue an item my Aunt Marguerite gave her. Aunt Margie is mom’s little sister. It was a dark blue bathrobe type of thing. She looked nice in it and it was nice to see her awake. The stroke caused mom to sleep most of the time until she died just 4 weeks after. I had thought it a blessing. I have an understanding of death as “graduation” from the Urantia Book and of a spiritual nature from Adidam and the Siddhas but I have a lot of respect for life. Prem Rawat tells us not to depend on death to liberate us which is the fundamental Christian thought, we die and go to heaven, but enjoy our lives. Be thankful, meditate on the breath that keeps us alive. When mom died everything came to me and I think the greed in me may have desired that more than her “graduation” to another world where things are better, since I am not so well versed in what that is all about. Everything is Shiva anyway, right?
I miss mom though, her cheeriness and sense of humor and not her retirement check. I think maybe I have grown a complex that way surrounding my unemployment and dependance on others. Maybe others want to give me a complex. It’s an interesting psychological expression, the complex. He has a guilt complex or she has a real complex about that. That’s something I would like to learn more about.

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Entry for October 17, 2008

October 16, 2008 Leave a comment

Oh, I can’t believe it. I went to town to do some shopping and Christ, the Rays blow the game.
Why do you take a fellow throwing a shutout out of the game?
I would have taken him to the eighth. He was pitching a great game, but I know hindsight is always 20/20.
Sorry, the Rays lost.
I left at the start of the 7th. Just like Kazmir. I guess I should have babysit the boys.
Boy was it some surprise when I fast forwarded my recording of the game and saw that sign saying Sox Win.
I thought getting to Daisuke was like the thing. He was so hot the first game. He threw a shutout and his record with runners in scoring position is something. When I saw they got 2 runs off of him in the first I thought the game was done then. By the time it was 7-0 I thought it was for sure done.
Boy, that bullpen should be ashamed, and maybe the manager, but I do think Kazmir could have gone one more inning, but then I don’t know the Rays. Also, looking at the recording, why not bring in that 14 game winner or that kid Price who did so well?
I feel very disappointed. They could have won it tonight.

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Entry for October 16, 2008

October 16, 2008 Leave a comment

Oh that magic feeling, nowhere to go.

I just made a big purchase from Siddha Yoga Bookstore. I’ve been reading about Kuan Yin and she has Indian and Tibetan origins. Actually Kuan Yin is the Indian for Avalokitesvara.

It’s so hard reading. I’ve been so computerized and televsionized. I used to read a lot. Quite a lot.

I started attending the Siddha Meditation Center in the 80’s. I was a little unhappy that it only convened 2 days a week. There had been an ashram in Gainesville previously. I didn’t know it was an ashram until later. I didn’t know much about its existence as an ashram. There were a lot of nice girls there, women as my ex-girlfriend preferred, but I didn’t know if they were available. They were only doing seva I guess. I really don’t know if they lived at the ashram or not and there were some older and some younger women. I decided they were therefore the chaste brahmacharya , the same as women I understood to be at the Hare Krsna Center which was another place I liked to visit.

Somehow that ASHRAM disappeared and finally and Informal Meditation Center appeared. I found a name in phone book, a business called Siddha International. I was looking in the business part of the phone book because I didn’t have any personal acquaintances that participated in Siddha Yoga events. I considered that since the Intensives that I longed to take cost money it must be a business. Intensives weren’t offered by Siddha International however. A fellow there named Bhima told me where this Informal Siddha Meditaton Center gathered. They only met 2 days a week.

At the ashram that used to exist in Gainesville there was a young fellow in robes. He was in charge. His name was Shri Ram. Not the same Ram that later became famous to me as the author of the Siddha Yoga Correspondence Course but a smaller and younger fellow not quite so worldly wise. The ashram moved once before it disappeared and became a center. It moved to near the place the Hare Krsna Center was, on Depot Ave., so named for its nearness to the railroad depot that once existed there. Shri Ram did not follow it there. I don’t know whatever happened to him.

Well, anyway, I’m not sure where I’m going with this. I just wish there were somewhere to go like there used to be when I went to school. A job would be nice.

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Entry for October 14, 2008

October 14, 2008 Leave a comment

I feel like there is a wall around Gainesville, maybe like the Indian Forts the cavalry built in the old west. Whenever I think of some place special to me I see this wall. It keeps me from getting to that place which is sometimes the Hare Krsna center, sometimes the Siddha Meditation center.
I don’t know what it is. Is it trying to impress or something? These meditation centers are very little places really. Maybe it is a false sense of self. Maybe I should just eat meat and be a drunkard. Where would that get me? Where did it get me before? I’ve been that and thought the vegetarian way was superior, that is more moral, like getting out of the war or giving civil rights.
I guess I just don’t fit.

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Entry for October 11, 2008

October 11, 2008 Leave a comment

I read this week of the passing of John Blofeld. He died in 1987.
I am like that. I find out about great people dying a bit late.
It seems especially true of the sages of the east.
If you didn’t know, Blofeld was a noted author of Buddhist thought.
I read Wheel of Life back in the early 80’s. It was part of my great
love of eastern books that I suffered from 1977 until some time in the
90’s, after I had read the Urantia Book and gotten into computers.
Blofeld was born in 1913. I was surprised to learn how old Mr. Blofeld was,
but I guess anyone mourning the loss of China to the communists must
have been quite on in years.
So, I ordered one of the books I hadn’t read, the Mystical Tradition of Kuan Yin.
I had been thinking about her of late. I got a Tibetan statue of a naked woman on Ebay. I also purchased a tea pot. And with my mom’s passing I think a lot about women and the Goddess. Mom was my own experience of the Goddess.
I have been reflecting quite a bit on all the different teachings I have imbibed over the years.

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Entry for October 10, 2008

October 10, 2008 Leave a comment

I had a wonderful dream last night. It was kind of Krsna if you know what I mean. There were these big paintings but they were moving, like TV or the movies. That Krsna stuff is really gripping.
I was at home talking to my sister Barbara and mom, I think and then dad, or Ed as some called him was there. The carpet seemed to have some problem. It was coming unglued. I felt really disappointed. I try to keep the house up. So then the dream got weird. Barb disappeared somewhere with mom away from Ed, who may have had some friends with him. Some persons appeared who were a bit grisly bearded, half shaved you know, darkish from the sun and such. They weren’t so important as whatever it was they were saying to me and then this huge wave appeared. I thought it was a tidal wave and I was a little afraid but it wasn’t something bad. It was kind of like the scene in Be Here Now where some multi-armed God appears riding a surf board. The wave washed out and there were objects and things coming up on the shore. One floating device was like a surf board and I laid down upon it. I think Krsna appeared walking up a boardwalk, but it might have been just any blue being. Still, I fear it was Him. I fear because before I have been seduced by Him causing me to float up in the air and ejaculate in my bed.
I woke up before any sexy stuff started happening thank God. I’m not happy with the sex.

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