Home > Uncategorized > Entry for May 23, 2009

Entry for May 23, 2009

I watch a damn lot of TV.

Right now I’m watching the Nixon/Frost interviews.

I feel guilty about it but what can I do. I’ve been doing this for years.

The worst thing is watching the things other people don’t like, i.e. the Yankees, or those silly old woman dramas like Murder She Wrote.

I was watching The Associate this morning. Whoopie goldberg as a stock investor who cannot find acceptance because she is a woman and a black woman at that.

It’s easy to relate to that in this environment of exclusivity now present at places like the college of Dunkin’ Donuts (SFC).

I pity the poor ex-convict who tries to re-enter the college but then again that ex-convice may not have stepped on the same toes that I did.

Many people fight for those rights. A man or woman pays their dues in an institution like Lowell or Raiford and on top of it cannot improve himself through school. You know Florida is returning part of the stimulus package. It’s a particular part of it that they don’t want, the unemployment benefits extension.

So much of this gets over my head. I’ve looked into unemployment benefits but of course it didn’t apply to me. I think of these things as belonging to older folks, more well off, more firm parts of the “establishment” or “the system” o r the “workforce.”

I feel really bad that I can’t get a job.

I keep going back to finish up my Publix application but there is a constant line to apply.

I can’t believe the cost of the gas these days. I’m trying to stay in more since it is raining so much.

What is God? Where do you turn to now when you need God the most. I can only repeat the mantra. Sometimes I do the knowledge. I just have no “discipline” to sit or to chant. I think I need friends. Ramakrishna once said God is in the ones you love. Muktantanda has said God is in you as you. So who do I appeal to for mercy? Myself?

On top of this is the statement that this whole universe is nothing but your own reflection.

Well, good, I’m glad all of this is within my grasp so to speak. It is within me, lie you gotta it in you. You are capable of it. And yet something more is being spoken about.

The yoga discipline is so different from normal American life, I suppose. Although mom ate vegetarian with me she was not enthusiastic about the rest of yoga. I miss the support of people who believed in The Farm and others.

Jesus I wish I could get any kind of job.

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