I often take delight in being on my own now. It was wonderful how much mom left me to live on and I have enjoyed it, I admit.
Still, I will have to work.
I worried a lot since so much was bound up in the house. I was not educated about things like real estate and finance and so I didn’t do things as they probably should have been done. I didn’t know how much work selling the house would be. I forget why I hesitated on the home. I ran up m credit card debt. Sold all the stock that mom had, cashed in her bonds.
The first real estate agent that I finally contacted told me I would have to clean up the house. A single fellow can really mess up a house and that’s what I was after mom died. It seemed so dramatic to sell the house. My mom used to make grave comments about when my father’s mother died and his little brother sold it. The will had said I was to have the house to live in but mom had thought she would have more money when she died. Had I been able to get or hold a job she might have, but politics got involved and I quit my part time job at Santa Fe and I was never able to get another. Then teachers there thought I was trouble so I was not inclined to go back.
I had a problem with thinking getting a job would make President Bush look good. It should just make me look good but politicians like him like to take the credit for anything good that happens. If you happen to follow a Guru the credit certainly does not belong to her, or him. He or She has nothing to do with the world. He or She is all about the afterlife to Christians and Jews and Muslims. I think even Hindus and Buddhists might go along with that considering all those lives you have to live before you find heaven.
Getting off the subject. Mom always said what was hers was mine but I never felt that way. I always asked politely for things. I even snuck around a bit to get things I wanted like subscriptions to erotic web sites or things I needed to make the computer fast.
It’s great to walk around my own place in a state of undress and fantasize about having women over. I think about fellows, too.
My own place. I never had it. We never could afford it.
Brit Hume called on Tiger Woods to convert to Christianity claiming that religion was more compassionate and merciful than Buddhism, which Hume claimed was known to be Woods’ religion.
Woods a Buddhist? I’ve never heard that before.
I have a little cap I bought from Tricycle with Om Mani Padme Hum written in Pali on it. I wonder why Tiger has nothing like that. I never see Tiger fingering any beads or sitting with his eyes closed before a hole or even before a match.
He never speaks of Buddha or Buddhism at a news conference. It is a better known fact that Richard Gere is a Buddhist. He has fought for Tibetan independence for years and I believe I see Buddhist themes in his movies.
I have followed Siddha Yoga for years and I am often seen with beads in my hand, on my wrist or around my neck. My disagreeable brother called my rudraksha mala a rosary when I visited him in the 90’s for one of his sons’ college graduation.
In Siddha Yoga they chant a long sacred text called the Guru Gita. I’ve chanted it quite a bit. I get no questions about it unless they have an undercurrent of criticism. I get very little open minded, liberal comment on my practices nor the texts that are read in Siddha Yoga.
Even should you go to a Hare Krsna Center where they are know to desire to convert all of us to Krishna Consciousness, you will hear only the most simple arguments against Kasmir Shaivsm the highest philosophy according to Siddha Yoga.
There is an argument in my mind all the time between the dualistic Krishna devotees and the monist Siddhas. Pity is there is so much emotion, so many avenues of argument and so little attention given to the arguments. In Bhaktivedanta Prabhupada’s books you will hear the impersonalists compared to Buddhists. Buddhists reject the Vedas as the ultimate source but impersonalist accept them. The problem is according to Prabhupada is they have misinterpreted the Vedas.
Add to this our Judeo-Christian civilization where there is no moral problem with eating meat and repeated birth and death are rejected as a fact of existence. A new book, the Urantia Book, embraces this refutation of reincarnation as well as astrology but agrees that Jesus did not, as many of the Gurus, Avatars and Swamis say, teach of a God of wrath and vengeance.
Now, I have also read of a Bodhisattva called Tara. She is even called a Goddess in some circles. She is said to be form of Kuan Yin whose statue graces a pond where swans swim in Shree Muktananda Ashram.
I have tried in so many ways to get those TV and politician people to go up there and give me some news about it but no one will. So, who really are they to talk about conversion and who has mercy and who doesn’t?
There are many things that cause us stress in our daily life. Maybe a thing like time and eternity which I wrote about in a previous post helps us. Siddha Yoga offered me that. I was thinking about it again and my mind offered me this, “I am doing well now. I am not worried about a dollar at this very instant but that time will come if you don’t get a job. Where is time and eternity then?”
Some people just want a hard time. That’s what Gurumayi says. My mom used to call myself and my old man prophets of doom, although dad and I had very different opinions about the world.
I was the rock and roller. Many of us do have some very dim views of the future and of the world. Conservatives spoke of liberal paranoia in 2004. Any kind of paranoia is naturally a problem. Is it paranoia to be suspicious when right wing Christians enter a discussion with long haired hippies about God? Every kind of suspicion is called paranoia. I think I should have been suspicious when my mom linked the words Freemasons and Brotherhood. So many years later and after both my mom and dad have died I wonder if mom was trying to tell me the kinds of conversations she and dad had in private. He was ignorant enough to call his Shrine brotherhood.
Rock and roll expressed its apathy in 1972 when Ten Years After sang, “I’d love to change the world, but I don’t know what to do. So I’ll leave it up to you.” Was that really apathy or a comment on how things are. As young people we weren’t trusted to run things. We didn’t know what to do was the opinion of Richard Nixon and Ronald Reagan. So we left it up to them. Did they change the world?
I have a picture of my mom on my wall at my place. It makes me think of death and being. Mayi and Baba are also on my walls so they also make me think of such things.
One of the Siddhas written about in DARSHAN said, “Time and Eternity, if there is a difference the difference is in thee.” This belief in a difference is what makes us afraid of death. Death is the end of time. I guess Christianity has gone a little farther and given us the end of the world.
In verse 105 of the Guru Gita it says, “Oh, Parvati, the Guru protects one ir one is cursed by sages, snake demons, or even Gods, and also fears one from the fear of time and death.” In the next verse it goes on to say, “Surely, Gods and others are powerless, as also the sages are powerless; being cursed by the Guru they soon perish. There is no doubt of it.”
Aren’t these some powerful words of faith?
On Wanda Sykes show tonight I heard one of the stars of Harold and Kumar escape Guantanamo Bay, Neil Patrick Harris, condone profiling and then went on to talk about Muslims chanting mantras. Very few Muslims do chant mantras though they do recite names of Allah. Indeed those who recite such mantras as the Sufis do are less likely to harbor ill will toward the West.
I don’t believe in profiling simply in that it’s a kind of watered down love as Bob Dylan put it. We don’t believe in those things in America. You can’t search people just because they are Muslim any more than you can audit people just because they are Italian, as in the arrests of famous members of the Cosa Nostra as it was once known. You can’t suspect every Irish person just because of Irish Revolutionary Army. Looking suspicious is a better reason and you know the problems with that. There are many levels of looking suspicious.
A lot of us who embraced the idealism of Woodstock and find ourselves unemployed and struggling know this feeling of being suspicious. Sometimes it may have even been a game but I doubt any of us would have protested if we had been profiled for work. Sounds like affirmative action which is so unpopular. We want to give the underprivileged some work. We want them to grow and flourish as people and as a people. Profiling is a kind of reverse affirmative action, isn’t it? Except that it is just for Muslims in the case of terrorism. Of course all this was only on The Wanda Sykes Show. It was hard for her to consider given the media blitz, I guess, concerning some new terrorist threat that went undetected and airports that are not enforcing new codes, something I’ll bet their passengers appreciated, that more people than Muslims want to raise a little Hell. Remember Tim McVeigh or David Koresh? Who were those survivalists who stoke CBS’s and Chris Wallace’s camera in the mountains out west. I don’t remember them meeting the ugly fate that Koresh and his followers did.
You know those things happened in the Democratic, Clinton administration. That’s something to think about. Obama has to think about those attacks as well as the Muslim ones. I do wonder if our obsession with traditional Christianity doesn’t have something to do with the rise of Muslim terrorism. I’m not talking about Moses David but can anyone consider Jesus and John the Baptist at literate preachers of Judaism? I have read that they were and that Jesus didn’t walk on the water. My Urantia Book never made it to Steven Spielberg’s library, I guess, or touched the life of Mel Gibson.
Nor have any of the Media Moghuls ever read my Autobiography of a Yogi or Play of Consciousness or chapters of the Shrimad Bhagavatam and little Buddhism.
Ah, what’s a matter, me?
Wasn’t’ this about the Guru?
Looking back, really the Nixon years were better for me than any others.
Of course it helped a little that he was forced to resign, I had a nice year in ’75.
But, 1976 and 1977 and the following decade really sucked.
In those years, Nixon’s years, I finished high school and community college. The unfortunate thing and the seed of the misery in the years to follow were missing some classes at the university in 1971.
I go to the classes, I pass the semester and stay off probation and maybe I graduate when I return in 1974. But, I was put on probation and I never got off. Academic probation, they call it. Poor scholarship it says on the transcript.
This message was approved by those who like me not to say much, that is, keep my big mouth shut.
It comes as no surprise that nobody reads this shit but I want to tell you that I spent $100 on the Sweet Surprise and couldn’t bear it.
Maybe it’s the pig I’ve been eating or the eggs.
I couldn’t stand to listen to “respect, discipline, attention” and on and on.
Can she find no new words?
It’s funny when they would ask the meaning of Om Namah Shivaya and she would tell them it meant I bow to the self within, it left me empty. These ignoramouses who need to know the meanings of these mantras. Goswami Kriyananda says you don’t need to know the meaning of a mantra. I’m with him and if the mantra does something to you or for you it takes on its on meaning and you are saying, “it means bliss, it means happiness.”
I’m through with Mayi. Do you want my pictures? Honestly, I hate her and I hate everyone who follows her. GOODBYE, GURUMAYI. I HAVE NO RESPECT!