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Where did the money go?

February 27, 2010 Leave a comment

I checked my checking account today and noticed I didn’t have as much as I thought I did. It worried me.
On other fronts I have been doing better these days. I’ve been exercising for a few days and I’ve been optimistic about the future thanks to Gurumayi and some new singers I’ve discovered, Deva Premal and Jaya Lakshmi.
I attended Mahashivaratri earlier this month, the night of Shiva when every repetition of his name is a thousand times more important than ordinarily. Considering that his name is like Ram’s, whose name need be repeated only once to wash away all sins, I can’t imagine the value chanting on Mahashivaratri is.
I enjoyed going to the center that I have attended in years. Is that what one does with a center, attend it? I ‘m not sure. It may not give you exactly what you think you want.
I invested some money in the stock market and that turned out to be a mistake. Everything is down except Apple and I only have 5 shares of it.
Anyway, I don’t have the money I thought I did in the bank account and it doesn’t look like that job I optimistically hoped for is panning out. There was a job cleaning a parking lot that looked a little good but I’m nearly 57 years old and I thought that might be kind of tough. Is that OK? Can I think things may be too tough for me?
And it doesn’t look like I have anymore gift givers in my family, like mom was. I’m a great hindrance to the whole family. I’m like the ONE that hasn’t made it. The irony is that it was loving the ONE that helped put me here. I wanted to follow the Guru. I wanted to meditate. This upset both the traditional get a job workaholics as well as the rock and roll drug addicts that I sometimes called my friends.
My friends were all able to get jobs. They were able to graduate college. They didn’t do anything stupid like skip classes in their first quarter at the University. I skipped and I failed. I failed GYM. I have heard some people ask how can somebody fail gym. Well, just miss more than 3 classes and you fail.
I had a 1.2 GPA in my first quarter. Hey but I was a wild and woolly radical. REVOLUTION!!! but a peaceful one. I wasn’t violently inclined.
I’m thinking a job would be like a miracle for me and I am not believing in miracles. The more you believe the more you are ridiculed for believing because miracles don’t happen, or aren’t happening.
At one time in my life I might have thought a girl friend and sex were miracles, but I came across them, thought they weren’t as often and as special as I would have liked. I mean the friend often and the sex special.
So, just a little worried now and I didn’t want to put it on Facebook. I just joined Weight Watchers and I have learned about triggers that make us eat. I guess seeing that you have a few thousand less than you thought you did in your bank account could be one of those triggers.
There was such a nice girl in the health food store, Mother Earth Market, tonight.

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Upgrade

February 14, 2010 Leave a comment

I upgraded my laptop to Win7.
I’m having trouble with my y key and it looks like that’s complicated to fix. I have to hook up a keyboard and see if the problem is the physical keyboard rather than the software. I’ve had keyboard problems on a laptop before that were software problems.
Aah, darn it! The Gators lost again. They have to do something about the balance between their defense and offense. Looks like some guys are strictly offense and some strictly defense. It would be nice if Shipman could drop an outside shot in there and of course Dan. I think it is something in the mind. They have to fight the very idea that because you are good on defense you aren’t good on offense and vice versa. Such exceptional play on defense tonight by Werner and Shipman. I think Shipman is closer to bagging the shot than Werner. Erik Murphy also showed good pla at both ends. I suppose the worry there is Erik isn’t as big as some inside guys. He does have a nice shot and he can get after a rebound too, but he doesn’t show much muscle and fight like Macklin and Tyus. Alex seems to be slacking off. He was pretty hot a few games ago. He’s not making the little jumper anymore. Macklin put in a few hooks tonight. Boynton missed a lot of 3’s and didn’t steal a ball. He looks really fast but I don’t know how much control he has over that ball. Walker seems to have better control but I see opponents getting at the ball and he has to regain it.
Threw the ball away at a key moment tonight. I forget, was it Dan on the inbounds. Walker made a move and Dan, or Erik, threw it to where he “was.”
I really get into the games. I have followed the Gators for years. I am often seeing my own experience and theirs in a mesh. I guess it is living through the team. Vicarious pleasure. I do mantra and so forth during the game and my mind makes me believe it helps. Taurean Green really responded to a good Krsna mantra. Specifically, Krsna Krsna Krsna Krsna Krsna Krsna Krsna He, Krsna Krsna Krsna Krsna Krsna Krsna Krsna He, Krsna Keshava Krsna Keshava Krsna Keshava Paahi Maam.
I forget how the mantra actually went.
I remember Krsna was better than Shiva.
The image of Krsna is of quickness and power which obviously to athletes is of value and his stories are full of such values. Shiva, is a large powerful being. It is said he has Iron Limbs, so sometimes he is good for the defense and to slow things down. Sometimes I have found it good to slow myself down when I get a little amped up about a game.
I’m a needing to get a sound system with my plasma TV.
I’m thinking again about the Guru. I remember Ram Butler saying that Baba told him to teach people about the Guru. Such things as winning games or another small miracle, finding things, are just parlor tricks the Guru has told us. Even reading minds, that’s because the Guru is on a par with Jesus. Right wing Christians reject this idea for all they are worth and I really get scared presenting the idea although I am often pressed to bring it up. Who is she, I am asked. My brother asked me who Gurumayi was. I have a brother who is 8 1/2 years older than me and I sent him Play of Consciousness on Xmas years ago. I guess it was just some shit or with luck one of the sons got it and made it their own. I have no idea why I was sending him the latest version of the book anyway.
Like talking to a wall. That’s the thing. You tell them about the Guru or the Urantia Book but it goes in one ear and out the other.