Love Stinks

I came across an old CD, J.Geils greatest hits. I bought a lot of that type of sort of thing when I joined the Columbia Record Club again in my 30’s or 40’s. I don’t remember exactly when but I was alone with my mother and father. I resented music critics always telling me what was good and what wasn’t. I was sure my records from the Club were what someone meant as “cheap.” The pure collector would never fall for these all cooled off records and tapes. With the club you got records at cheap prices but they weren’t “the” records as the collector calls them. I wish I had never gotten involved in the whole record collecting business. I would have liked to keep collecting singles actually. Inevitably though the peer group would get involved and whomever thought they were your peer would tell you what was what. I resented that. A lot of records I held dear were not on the collectors list of superior recordings.

So, now I’m listening to Seals and Crofts. I just read my Present Moment lesson and I didn’t end up too happy with it. I am not feeling well today. I don’t have my TV working and I feel I am being ripped off by people who will fix it. You know The Geek Squad from Gainesville will come here but they can’t fit me until the 21st. I have to pay them $150 just to come and look at it. Fixing it is beyond that. I have a 54″ plasma TV. No one around here would come and look at it. No one local. I called a TV repair man just 20 miles away. He never called back. I guess I wasn’t in his jurisdiction but I am only guessing. Another repair company, located in High Springs and recommended by Panasonic the makers of my TV, would not come out so far as Keystone Heights. I don’t know what their limit is. High Springs isn’t really that far from Gainesville. I can’t imagine the drive being much farther given a few shortcuts. Their should be a way to Starke. Now Starke, there is a place I should have thought of, but I didn’t. I HATE STARKE.

So there you go. That’s why I am so upset and can’t like my lesson or anything. Maybe I wasnted to go to Gainesville to get my organic milk and orange juice. I just got my van fixed and it is running great. I thought I would save on gas by buying my groceries at a local supermarket. There was a place in Hawthorne to eat that my friends used to call the Circle Red. It was really called the Circle R but there were so many customers of the southern right persuasion, people we often call rednecks, that we called it the Circle Red. Thus the Harvey’s on Highway 21 between Melrose and Keystone. I’m not feeling well and have been eating some meat lately. I guess that is adharmic but I don’t really think about it that much. I think people’s anti-social behavior is adharmic. Nobody calls me or cares to include me in any of their activities. No one want to be a real friend, they want to be some kind of associate. In fact the fellow who fixed my car and the guy I call to schedule the fix have been very friendly here. I think they have real concerns about my getting work and getting out of debt, but that doesn’t seem to be the fact of my Siddha friends. Ram says it’s all about how I look at them. How I SEE them. Of course you know that’s the credo of Siddha Yoga SEE GOD IN EACH OTHER.

I have taken many intensives and workshops and visited the ashram in N.Y. but I still haven’t the facility to do this SEEING. In the latest lesson which is the last I can share with you Ram tells me about breathing. I’m not supposed to read the lessons as if I know what they say, but in this case I feel I do. I’ve read Yogananda on breathing and Prem Rawat also speaks of breathing. Gurumayi, of course spoke of breathing at all of her intensives. I’m fond of what Prem Rawat said about breathing, just think, without our breath where would we be? We would be dead. I am paraphrasing but that’s his point. It’s the nearest thing to our being alive. It’s the cause of our being alive. I know you think of the heartbeat. Adidam mentioned the heartbeat as a traumatic event. If you have visited the opening chapter of The Dreaded Gom-Boo or the imaginary disease that religion seeks to cure you know how humorous he can be. He says we have no sin, no ego, no mind. He says religion tells us we have those things and then pretends to try to cure it. There is nothing to be cured, we aren’t sick.

So, I’ve been thinking about that today. Is this work that Ram talks about the same? Is he trying to get us to work on our Gom-Boo, the disease that doesn’t exist?

Bhagwan Rajneesh, now known as Osho, an long since dead, called Baba Muktananda an oreo. Bhagwan kind of succeeded Baba as the new great Guru in America. Baba passed away in ’82. I think Bhagwan started up with his scene in the early 80’s. I think of devotees, congregations, etc. Baba had some, Bhagwan needed some. Anyway no mention of Da in any of Rajneesh’s books. He was around though, in Hawaii, Fiji or maybe even California back then. Da also mention indulgences though as culture’s way of dealing with the Gom. We think we will be HAPPY, which is what we inherently are, which is our inherent reality, if we imbibe the juice, eat the meat, have lots of beautiful women sleep with us, etc., latest car, house, even children I suppose.

So, I bought some chicken dishes at Harvey’s and then I guess I remembered about the indulgence part of the Gom. There was by the way a beautiful Indian woman at Harvey’s. A red woman, I mean, an American Indian. I was called last night by the American Indian Relief Council. I had given them money before and they called to see if I could give as much this year, $52. Well, I couldn’t I told Jake, but he argued with me for the elders who have a terribly hard time in the winter months and got me to give $30.  Meals and a bit of water. So, it was an experience to see a native American woman checking out customers at Harvey’s, formerly the Food Lion which you know was full of controversy after Diane Sawyer did a feature on it for 69 Minutes, was it? I guess they are disguising themselves now, but if you Google them, or Yahoo! them, or Bing them you will find that they are actually Food Lion. A Health Food store operator who ran the first Health Food store ever in Melrose worked for it when he got a divorce the store had to be given up. His name was Russ. I still seem him out here now and then but mostly he works at Ward’s in Gainesville on 23rd Ave. Nice guy. His ex, Lucy, is a midwife in ‘Rose.

People are asking me all day and night, am I queer? Well, I have declared on many websites that I am bisexual. The thing is they know this and have known it for years so what’s with the interrogation? Are they just trying to get me up?

Ram hasn’t said anything about mantra yet. This breath thing could be a prelude to that. I played the Guru Gita on my computer today and I fell asleep. I needed rest because I got up early to bring my car to the shop. It had a loose ball bearing in the right front wheel. The wheel was loose and I guess I was right to think it was trying to fall off. I was very scared driving the last couple of nights. The thing is I play music while  I drive so it’s hard to be that sensitive. This could have been going on a while but it got definitely noticeable. It’s all right now.

I like mantra. I try to repeat om namah shivaya as frequently as I can and I dwell on its meaning, its power and its sound. Da has a mantra, too, a mahamantra as they call it. I don’t know if that’s just competitiveness. You know the Vaishnavas call their mantra the mahamantra. Hare Krsna Hare Krsna Krsna Krsna Hare Hare Hare Rama Hare Rama Rama Rama Hare Hare. I studied that quite a lot while I was also involved with Siddha Yoga satsangs and taking intensives and courses. Da’s mahamantra is Om Ma Da. I have a CD where he sings i himself.

I don’t know where I am now. I am working on my computer now as well. I have an internet connection problem with one of my computers. Although it connects it is not authorized or something. There is some little bit of information that seems to be missing to let programs update and so forth. I don’t know really, I haven’t memorized the little blurb that issues forth when the connection is in trouble. It has something to do with my networking. It doesn’t network well.

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