I think unemployment ought to be punishment for something you did wrong. Like time in jail. It makes more sense. It’ll save the taxpayers money, maybe. But, having experienced unemployment for most of my life and having done nothing, in my opinion, to deserve it I’m here to tell you unemployment is punishment. You can’t do things with your friends, you can’t even live where you want, you’re luck you can even feed yourself. If you have a loving and gracious mom like I did, you can wait out your mean old dad’s life until she says whether you can have things or not and then you may see a VCR, a remote control, some yoga trinkets, etc.

But that’s not working. That’s being given gifts. Working is a valuable service exchanged for monetary reward. I am a Community College graduate. I studied Eastern teachings for the many years I lived in exile in my mom and dad’s house in the country. I learned a lot about the East and other alternative religious philosophy. I read a book called The Urantia Book. None of this has apparently been able to get me work or as I so negatively and reactionarily say, win friends. When I say I have no friends immediately several people who call themselves my friends get up in arms. “I’m your friend.” Am I supposed to count 1 person as an entire social group. In college I had lots of friends. People who picked me up on the highway called themselves my friends. People I smoked pot with were my friends. I guess that’s the thing. Pot smokers make shitty friends. Utopians, yogis, make shitty friends too. I am never invited to the home of a yogi friend. No young yoginis want to make love to me. They dare not even show their breasts. What kind of social life is that? So let me clear that up with the one person who gets upset when I say I have no friends. I have no social life to speak of. Now, when you say social life you will hear people say, “well, you have to get out more.” How absurd, you can get out all you want but that won’t make friends. I have heard Gurumayi say, if you want friends be friendly. I’m not entirely sure I understand what that means. I am very up on her philosophy that the mind creates the universe and the world we live in but I “was” friendly. Now I don’t know how to “be” friendly again. Will somebody pass me joint? Would someone like to go to the movies with me? How about dinner? I’m vegetarian. My yogi friends should like to have dinner with me but I’m afraid I will say something about the Guru that will put them off. They do get put off about things I say about her and about Yoga. They don’t seem to like to hear about the competition.  Krishna devotees don’t care to hear about the Siddha and the Siddha doesn’t like to hear about Krishna devotees and on and on. Nobody likes to hear about Jesus because he’s “DEAD.” Their master is “LIVING.” A living master makes all the difference in the world because you can go see her but they are having trouble doing that these days because they can’t locate the dear woman. She hasn’t been seen in public I’ve heard, since 2004. She released a DVD at that time called Experience the Power Within: Kundalini Shakti. It was her message for the New Year. I believe there was an Intensive and that I went to it. I remember the politics on my mind at the time. Who was for Dean? Was anyone for Kerry? I was for Kerry. A bumper sticker declared Kucinech for President. It’s not the empty mind the yogi wants. None of the competitors would call this meditation. There was no stopping the mind that day as the gender of the participants impressed me. They were for the most part women and apparently believed yoga was an entirely asexual practice. Asexuality had been big in my life, asexuality or homosexuality or bisexuality. In a way you can see bisexuality as being asexuality, because being on both sides is like being on neither. I have mostly been heterosexual though. I understood that mode of being, talking to women/girls, beginning to feel comfortable together and finally sleeping with them. Not that I enjoyed that experience very often. No not very often and I’m not going to talk about how many times because you know that is just like talking notches in your belt or points scored. I have always disclaimed any belief in those things. I believed in Love. I like a woman, I like her personality and we sleep together. That’s love. Perhaps we will quibble over those things and then that’s not love and it’s over. It seemed to go like that for me in college. It was the end of college that seemed to be the end of me. My end also seemed to coincide with the end of Elvis or at least with his death. No classes, no work study possibility. Just home. Nobody wants you loafing around their house without a job. Many supported physical violence against me and so I did go home and stay home. Living at home is as close to prison as you want to be when you hate your father which I did owing to his being very poor with mom and her children from her first marriage as well as her immediate family, her sister, my aunt and her husband, my uncle. There was lots of drinking and howling when I was very young. That tapered off to sleeping and hunting and fishing on the weekends with me. My father wasn’t anything to look at so I didn’t feel like being with him was going to impress the girls and so I resented being with him.

Well, the Siddhas call that the mind, so enough of the mind for today. Now meditation. Atha Dhyanam.

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