By the time my father died I was so fucking starved for things that I just started consuming like a PIG. He had let me have nothing.

Mom had brought me to a mental health clinic but I got little satisfaction there. There sole purpose seemed to be to get me a job or back to school. That I was on academic suspension didn’t mean anything to them, I should still go back to school and wade through that petitioning mess. What was petitioning, I would ask. They didn’t know or just preferred not to answer.

My father just wanted me out of his house. He didn’t care about what I could be. He didn’t care about opportunity in the world. Get a job. Finish school. That was it. Finalize. Get out. Stay out. Then just him and momma. My girlfriend once said to me, “stay away from your mother.” Now I am realizing she may have meant this. Let mom see that the old man just wanted her services, her cooking, her cleaning and her accounting and didn’t care about anything else and maybe mom would leave him. One of my aunts left one of my fathers brothers. But, I couldn’t. No one would give me a job. No one believes in such charities. You never work hard enough for any of them to call their giving anything but charity. I was fired at one place in Colorado because I couldn’t keep their paper hat on. It was a place called Tico’s in Boulder, CO.

A girl yesterday sold me a soda to go with my free popcorn at the Regal Theater in Gainesville. I couldn’t quite pay for it coming up one penny short of the price. She hoped the theater wouldn’t fire her for letting me have a soda at a penny discount. Of course, she was kidding, but I now realize that that is the truth of these nickel and dime jobs out there. I took the Wal Mart affiliates test for the 3rd time I think and failed it again. Or was it the 4th time. I am wondering if my failiure comes from telling them I have not held a full time job in 10 years.


Categories: American Culture
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