Home > My life > magazines, books, beads, photos … not always

magazines, books, beads, photos … not always

I used to think all yoga societies had magazines like Back to Godhead to discuss and promote their view of yoga science but I have discovered that isn’t true. My view was reinforced shortly by Siddha Yoga’s Siddha Path and later DARSHAN but since those magazines have been shut down I see that is not necessarily true that there will be books for a yoga or tradition you may be interested in. Maharaji, Prem Rawat has an almost entirely web based presence. No books, no mags. These were the things I was depending on in my early years of yoga exploration. I was disappointed that others didn’t read and share reading with me. My best friend used to do that. He would read something and invite me to read it. Thus we came to read a lot of the same things.

For a long time Siddha Yoga also had a videotape magazine of sorts. Actually, they were talks by Gurumayi usually. I don’t recall a Baba tape offered. A subscriber got them every week. The price for a 6 month subscription was pretty hefty as I recall but it was more the feeling that I was doing a center’s job and that no one was talking to me about the tapes that made me feel I was being cheated. It was when my father had died and when the cheapskateitis had finally left my home. Mom had let me subscribe to the magazine, DARSHAN which was $86 a year in 1988. Dad was still alive and I was of the opinion that I just could not have anything. I didn’t dare to ask for the car. It was an issue.

You see I had been a shame to the Bryan family who to me were a shame in themselves. They were bigots and cheapskates and bullshit artists in general. They had an easy way out of the war in Vietnam, drop the big one. They liked easy solutions. They didn’t like sacrifice.

In 1991 I quit the cigarettes. My 20th anniversary of that event just passed at the end of April.

I can’t help but feeling now that mom has died that my family goes, “Oh, Jesus, we got the Ed.” I’m a case! I’m a real problem without a future. I’m a Vietnam, a quagmire of problems. I just don’t PLEASE the important people. I’m well aware of the Sufi story about PLEASE. The letters transposed spell ASLEEP. That’s the Sufis.

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