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Comment on Article by Paramahamsa Yogananda

Here is a comment I wrote in response to an article by Yogananda. In case it isn’t published as, maybe it gets off topic, I publish it here.

How timely what Yogananda has said about overspending. But why does it happen. I think some psychologists might have helped me but I was not “in their computer,” when finally money came my way.
You see I have seldom had a job and had to live off my mom and dad. I had to live with my parents and my dad was a miser. My mom had to respect him and she did not give me much throughout the ’80′s. I was lucky to be allowed to live at home and not thrown out on the street. I had some crazy mystic ideas, having no real education in these matters. I had read Alice Ann Bailey’s books, one of which predicted the reappearance of the Christ at the turn of the 20th Century.
Having not had a job I was always a beggar to my friends as well. I was allowed a little money for gas as a college student. When I failed in college (I made some bad grades in my first quarter at the state university then went to a community college and got an Associates degree, but my bad grades at the state U. didn’t go away and all the colleges granting B.A.’s only counted those grades), their was not even any seeing of my friends as they went on to jobs and careers.
When my father died, mom became generous, letting me use the credit cards and so forth. I had been lucky to get an oil card before dad died so I could fill up the car with gas when I was allowed to use the car.
My mom used to buy me cigarettes. I had quite a habit. I said to myself, what if I didn’t smoke, would mom give me the money that she normally spent on my smokes. I figured out how much was spent on my smoking. It became an excuse for buying all sorts of things.
Well, mom died in 2007. She had a stroke. I was in charge of taking care of her. Lucky I was there to call the ambulance. Everybody wanted to get her home after the stroke and I think I botched that job. Although nobody would give me work the family thought I was equal to this ordeal. Mom died in a nursing facility, never seeing her home for one last time. It breaks my heart just thinking about it now. I’m such a shirker of responsibility. I think I learned it years ago and some people actually told me it was ok, but I know deep down it isn’t.
I loved your book Paramahamsa. I read it in about 1979. I wanted to serve a spiritual master then. The Krsna devotees were around and I thought that would be a wild way to go. I chanted the mantra and had a fantastic experience but some dreams I started to have and the general populace’s negativity toward the sect made me not go on with it. I did my best to follow Siddha Yoga after that. There was a big argument there because it is basically impersonal and thought I didn’t follow Krsna their arguments were still in my head.
My head. Well, nowadays I’ve been reading more about my head than ever before. Ram Butler and his blog, Living in the Truth of the Present Moment have told me the whole universe is a product of my mind and I should watch how I use my mind. Of course I had heard the former statement very often but the latter I think I didn’t concentrate on so much if I heard it. I just don’t feel any support in the matter. Maybe it’s karma. Of course it is karma although a book I read which righteously opposes the paschal lamb idea, also doesn’t believe karma is the reaping what you sow spoken of in the Bible. It’s called the Urantia Book.
I tried to reach out to people at school when I went back to study computer programming about my spending. The computer was my whole life. Not that I understood computers very well. I never finished with the programming program. I obtained a lesser “certificate.” But, I found I had a kind of addiction or dependancy on the computers. I wanted the broadband, I wanted all the “bells and whistles” as they say. Few at the college listened to my yogi ideas from Siddha Yoga and Kriya Yoga and the Bhaktis nor the Buddhist, nor the mystical Christians, nor these revelatory Christians of that Urantia Book.
Yes, I’ve overspent. I’ve had to sell my mom’s house that she left to me. I’ve amassed a huge credit card debt and reached the limit on 2 cards my credit scores had allowed me to have. That’s like $27,000. A real nice car that would buy. But no one wants to buy their little brother a nice car and haven’t wanted to for as long as I’ve been a little brother.
It’s a timely mention about overspending. My mom gave me a $25 weekly allowance at one time. I think I was 38 at the time. I wanted to save it but she didn’t want me to. She wanted me to spend it. That was before dad died but I thought it was a good ideal to save one’s money. I don’t know what my mom had in mind it letting me spend it. Of course, neither one of us knew I would not be hired by anyone I applied to for employment. I’ve always thought that had something to do with a prejudice against me over something I may or may not know about.
Sorry to have written so much, but I love Yogananda so much. I took the self-realization lessons for a while and met with a group but I found the enegizing exercises so difficult. I was already with Siddha Yoga then, though, my lessons with Ram Butler who was then writing the Siddha Yoga Correspondence Course had been stopped. I found the Self-Realization lessons said a lot of the same things, used the same stories, etc. as Ram’s had. Still, that book that Parmamahamsa Yogananda wrote inspires me to this day. God bless Yogananda. He was a gift from God to America and maybe the human race.

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