Home > My life, Personal > Long Day, tough days

Long Day, tough days

Had some trouble with my brakes today. Squishy, dangerous. Thought it may only be my brake fluid but took it to the shop anyway. I walked back. Oh, my God. I was invoking Him, too, to get back home. It was so hot and I’m so out of shape. It was maybe 3/4 of a mile. Even when I got back it took me some time on the bed to recover.

I’ve been e-mailing my step-sister in law about my terrible financial situation. She works at a Credit Union, Campus USA is the name I think. She is in auto loans. She married my handicapped step-brother in 1970. My step-brother used to take me places when I was a kid. He is retired from the Veterans Hospital over in Gainesville, now. He has had many jobs. We share an Uncle Al who just passed away in April at 92. Bill, my step-brother, dropped out of school. He wanted to buy a car, you know and saw no future in school.  I  made it through community college, but a few bad grades at the University kept me from graduating there. I  can’t get a job. I  don’t understand it. I can’t get any kind of dead end little shit job. I can’t find the jobs that everybody hates. I could apply at Dominoes and they would not hire me. I  haven’t because I have a real gas guzzling van so there is really no advantage despite their paying $12 to $16 an hour. I’m so hung up. I’ve applied to Starbucks and I saw a transgendering person at Starbucks today who works at Starbucks and I got a good vibe from him. Maybe they will contact me. That would be better than Dominoes. My best friend worked for Dominoes in the early 70’s and boy he used to fume about the place. He hated the job, delivering. It seemed like he was pressured constantly and the bosses had a bad attitude toward him.

The driving gets very busy in those delivery jobs and I don’t see my van as being convenient for delivering hot pizzas.

Sometimes I think my family is not my family. They are not the people I grew up with. They were never cheap and stingy nor fascist. That seems to be the rule. Of course, this is not the country I grew up in either. I don’t think anyone is trying very hard on their side, the employer side, the authoritarian side, the elder side, the leader side, to get me work, to help me support myself.

Remember the book Vanguard? I believe it was about the gradual takeover of America by Russia, was it? I never read it but I heard about it. Kind of like the TV Show, Amerika, that I never saw but all the critics did. The critics didn’t like the Russian accents in it. I’ve never seen the thing. Kris Kristofferson was the star. I’ve never seen it. Anyway this Vanguard was from back in the 70’s. I need to read it sometime. I guess no movie is forthcoming. I just don’t feel like I live in America any more.  No one is “fair” with me.

Even the closest of friends will then debate with me, “well, what do you mean by fair?”


Categories: My life, Personal
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