Low income housing. Sounds great.
Just need a job now.
They don’t have enough steps in the family relations for me. For instance I have a step nephew in-law. What is that? They have never heard of it apparently. Of course it is only interesting if the family relation is on Facebook. I don’t have that many on Facebook, but they should allow for all relations to be of step relation, right?
Didn’t think it would hurt to put this up. It’s a post I sent to
Living in the Truth of the Present Moment:
I liked the comment in lesson 35 about the ethers. Actually it was about finding that warm spot inside, a kind place, a place where the infinite spirit starts his stair or path to Himself. I was given something for free today. A lunch. A good lunch and hot coffee. Also, some company. It was very nice. They were Christian for the most part so my thoughts were with Christ. I kept reading others where you had written ethers. I went, yeah, oh, others, yeah I know, as I read it. I also reflected on our oneness with the Divine. Some believe in duality, a God and his child or his devotee and others believe it is all one. Lal disco0vered that she was one with her Guru. She and Gurunath were the same one and so I read that into this, but the ethers. I had heard of the ethers in the 70’s in college when this wonderful young teacher took up a free class of Alice Bailey’s books. I became a passionate lover of A.A. Bailey’s books then. That’s where I read of the etheric and the akashic. Don’t confuse it with the ether that is a substance used to subdue animals and even human beings. That is some awful stuff. This ether also would have something to do with the atmosphere wouldn’t it? Though that woudn’t take me to the center of the universe, would it? Oh, I also found it helpful to agree with everybody. My brother turned Christian is offended at yoga. So, I don’t do it. Not when he is present anyway, present in the ethers or the etheric. Present in consciousness. The yoga finds a way to creep back in. I’ve been doing it for 30 years, right? How do I stop. The mantra repetition since I was 25. Now I’m 58. So, I agree with Bill. But these fellows at the free lunch given at the Senior Center, they began to talk about Iraq and gov’t and though we had had a nice conversation until then I had to disagree. I like President Obama and I think he has been too conservative and too bipartisan. These elderly fellows did not feel that way at all. The did not want to tax the rich. Somehow they think taxing the rich is taxing them and they are far from it. They are at the Senior Center to have a free lunch!!!. Well, I am sorely pressed for my rent, now $900 backe up. No electric, turned off day before yesterday, over $200 to get that reconnected. Begging from friends and getting the negative. But I found an old friend who seems to be doing well. He writes books and music an sells them on the net. I’m sure you’re too busy to check him out but his website is www.wignelson.com. We used to play chess in the old days in college. He won most of the time. We also sang together, the old Beatle and Bob Dylan tunes in his car. He took me to his parental home back then. He was a private fellow but kind and a good wit. Another old fellow apparently was willing to come to Facebook. My friend in Hawthorne High School in 1970 and on, a Jack Collins. He has quite a mind. They had to create a physics class for him in H.S. There was one. Florida seemed to be a bit behind N.Y. educationally. When I transferred here I got all A’s in my classes, except for gym which I skipped. The senior year it went back to the barely passing grades I was used to in N.Y. I have to think of Einstein when people flatter me for my intelligence. I never did very well in school. Now and then there were flashes. The employment application forms ask about those sorts of things. How I did in High School. Well, they are not geared to middle aged men in general. Talking McDonalds and Pizza Huts here. They are looking for kids and kids are applying to them. Had to get this off to you about the Etheric. I thought it was others. I must need a new prescription for my glasses.
Peace Unto You.
Well now what am I going to do? No electric. The landlady is chomping at the bit for me to get out. I have no auto insurance to drive the van, will have to look out for police if I do.
The landlady says I can just go to Salvation Army. I didn’t know that. I called them for financial help but not every day like Champions Heart told me to. I have lost the number. I thought it was on the phone but nobody answers to the number I have.
Lucky it’s warm now. I feel like all the wrong is my fault and that I have not been wronged in any way so who am I to ask for help. I know what I did. What was it? What did I do? Actually I don’t know. Was I too radical. I never did any violence. Did I? Did I do violence to someone? And is that what it’s all about, my doing violence? Perhaps I got someone to do violence for me, to defend me and my person. Was that wrong? I was in danger. I need someone’s help and someone gave it to me. Was it wrong? should I have suffered more violence from that one I feared? I read in Baba’s Satsang with Baba that you read of these saints who suffered violence and died. He said he was not one of the. He said he would pick up a stick and let the fellow know he would not suffer this violence. I think that is what I did essentially.
I feel guilty though for having invoked Gandhi throughout. Well, he was naturally someone I looked up to. I did not know I was to be his personal representative in rock and roll land or whatever country I was living in then. So, violence. You don’t mind it as long as you don’t get hurt. Let the other suffer the pain.
I went home to my parent. My mom. I lived there and stayed there for 31 years. I lived in her home for 2 years after she died. Now I have nothing but the relatives she left, her survivors. I have friends who have been and are hard to find. What to do? What to do?
Seva. OY. Just find where the center was and then qualifying for an intensive. I do believe I had to quit smoking and eating meat to get one. And then the SEVA thing. I’m unemployed, living with mom and dad and they talk SEVA. Well, the knowledg people used to talk abour service. It seems to all be in the word. Why don’t they talk about friendship? If everyone is friends won’t the selfless service be accomplished? I mean real loving friends, not people who are cordial to each other at the Centers.
On Your Own. Those words meant so much to me once. Now they are some tomfoolery, an excuse to not help you in a time of need. When my mom died in 2007 an older brother said, “this is really your first time on your own, isn’t it?” Yes, I agreed it was. But now that all of mom’s money has run out I am learning another side of on your own. It means your debts are your own, your bills are your own, your sadness is your own.
On your own. In the minds of many teenagers that means when you get to meet your girlfriend or boyfriend privately and not have to say hello to mom and dad. It meant you could drink and do whatever you wanted. Of course teenagers don’t think much about working. On your own means getting a job yourself and paying the rent yourself and staying at home because you have no money yourself.
I suppose it is something young adults look forward to. That day when they graduate from the University and go looking for work in their field of study. Well, what happens when they can’t find that work. Well, “they are on their own.” Being on your own is in many ways like looking after your own good health, taking vitamins and watching the calories. If you are fired from work or something you need prescriptions to get your life back together again, get you healthy.
I’m on my own. I was with my parents once and it was not so bad but when my mom died I could see I would have to manage the money. It was a kind of fun thing to do but I didn’t have lots of friends nor was I married. It got too busy for me. It’s good to have friend around who will tell you, “this is too much,” or “you ought to try that.” It’s great to have a friend or a wife give you a pat on the back when you’ve done something good. It’s good to put your heads together. Some people seem to think being on your own is being alone. That’s the worst kind of being on your own. You want to be on your own with your peers and your contemporaries, not by yourself.
Okay, I admit it, I was wrong. About what? I don’t know. Would it be getting
all David Bowie in the 70’s. Or was it Allen Ginnsberg? David said he was bi
but everyone called him gay, like Allen. Allen had no trouble with it. He was
gay and proud of it. Saw Allen speak in Gainesville a couple of times and I
almost took a class with him in Boulder, CO. What did I know about financial
aid? I would have needed it to go to Naropa Institute and take Allen’s class.
So, that was wrong. I shouldn’t have been there. I should have been washing
dishes, doing the hard work to support myself. Better yet, I should have been
in the armed services. That’s what my dad did. He was in the American Cavalry.
Sometimes he used to claim he had been in the Civil War. He served one year
in the Cavalry and then started to work for the Pennsylvania Railroad as a car
washer. He worked himself up to yard foreman eventually. He worked at the
same yard for 40 years, retired in 1969. So, he got himself a job just before the
Great Depression hit. I guess he was lucky to hang on to it through the 30’s and
the War. It was during the War that he met my mom, a divorcee with 2 children.
Dad always claimed he only got as far as the 8th grade in school. The Governor
of Florida says his dad only got through the 6th grade and look at him, a multi-
So, the ego can’t admit it was wrong. I would like to get rid of the ego. They call
that liberation. They say it is a supremely blissful experience. So, where am I
wrong? So long as I think I am right about things, clearly I have the ego, don’t
I? So, where am I wrong? Everywhere I turn to say I am wrong someone seizes
up on the thing and scream YES! YES! YOU WERE WRONG! STUPID YOU!
HAHA. I KNEW YOU WERE WRONG ALL ALONG! THEN LIKE LITTLE
CHILDREN THEY JUMP UP AND DOWN REVELING IN MY ADMISSION.
I don’t particularly appreciate that. You know?