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Where did the money go?

February 27, 2010 Leave a comment

I checked my checking account today and noticed I didn’t have as much as I thought I did. It worried me.
On other fronts I have been doing better these days. I’ve been exercising for a few days and I’ve been optimistic about the future thanks to Gurumayi and some new singers I’ve discovered, Deva Premal and Jaya Lakshmi.
I attended Mahashivaratri earlier this month, the night of Shiva when every repetition of his name is a thousand times more important than ordinarily. Considering that his name is like Ram’s, whose name need be repeated only once to wash away all sins, I can’t imagine the value chanting on Mahashivaratri is.
I enjoyed going to the center that I have attended in years. Is that what one does with a center, attend it? I ‘m not sure. It may not give you exactly what you think you want.
I invested some money in the stock market and that turned out to be a mistake. Everything is down except Apple and I only have 5 shares of it.
Anyway, I don’t have the money I thought I did in the bank account and it doesn’t look like that job I optimistically hoped for is panning out. There was a job cleaning a parking lot that looked a little good but I’m nearly 57 years old and I thought that might be kind of tough. Is that OK? Can I think things may be too tough for me?
And it doesn’t look like I have anymore gift givers in my family, like mom was. I’m a great hindrance to the whole family. I’m like the ONE that hasn’t made it. The irony is that it was loving the ONE that helped put me here. I wanted to follow the Guru. I wanted to meditate. This upset both the traditional get a job workaholics as well as the rock and roll drug addicts that I sometimes called my friends.
My friends were all able to get jobs. They were able to graduate college. They didn’t do anything stupid like skip classes in their first quarter at the University. I skipped and I failed. I failed GYM. I have heard some people ask how can somebody fail gym. Well, just miss more than 3 classes and you fail.
I had a 1.2 GPA in my first quarter. Hey but I was a wild and woolly radical. REVOLUTION!!! but a peaceful one. I wasn’t violently inclined.
I’m thinking a job would be like a miracle for me and I am not believing in miracles. The more you believe the more you are ridiculed for believing because miracles don’t happen, or aren’t happening.
At one time in my life I might have thought a girl friend and sex were miracles, but I came across them, thought they weren’t as often and as special as I would have liked. I mean the friend often and the sex special.
So, just a little worried now and I didn’t want to put it on Facebook. I just joined Weight Watchers and I have learned about triggers that make us eat. I guess seeing that you have a few thousand less than you thought you did in your bank account could be one of those triggers.
There was such a nice girl in the health food store, Mother Earth Market, tonight.

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