On My Own

I often take delight in being on my own now. It was wonderful how much mom left me to live on and I have enjoyed it, I admit.
Still, I will have to work.
I worried a lot since so much was bound up in the house. I was not educated about things like real estate and finance and so I didn’t do things as they probably should have been done. I didn’t know how much work selling the house would be. I forget why I hesitated on the home. I ran up m credit card debt. Sold all the stock that mom had, cashed in her bonds.
The first real estate agent that I finally contacted told me I would have to clean up the house. A single fellow can really mess up a house and that’s what I was after mom died. It seemed so dramatic to sell the house. My mom used to make grave comments about when my father’s mother died and his little brother sold it. The will had said I was to have the house to live in but mom had thought she would have more money when she died. Had I been able to get or hold a job she might have, but politics got involved and I quit my part time job at Santa Fe and I was never able to get another. Then teachers there thought I was trouble so I was not inclined to go back.
I had a problem with thinking getting a job would make President Bush look good. It should just make me look good but politicians like him like to take the credit for anything good that happens. If you happen to follow a Guru the credit certainly does not belong to her, or him. He or She has nothing to do with the world. He or She is all about the afterlife to Christians and Jews and Muslims. I think even Hindus and Buddhists might go along with that considering all those lives you have to live before you find heaven.
Getting off the subject. Mom always said what was hers was mine but I never felt that way. I always asked politely for things. I even snuck around a bit to get things I wanted like subscriptions to erotic web sites or things I needed to make the computer fast.
It’s great to walk around my own place in a state of undress and fantasize about having women over. I think about fellows, too.
My own place. I never had it. We never could afford it.