I have a small storage space over in Melrose. I pay a little over $50 a month for it, but they won’t accept a credit card payment or PayPal, so I am trying to remove the contents of the container and let them have the space back. If I can do that by the sixth, I won’t have to pay.
It’s been an ordeal. I live upstairs. It’s hard enough bringing groceries up but these big boxes are another thing. It has been a real workout.
I’ve been turned into a kind of accountant. I have to cut back on this and that which means calling services and companies. “Cancel my subscription please.” “Cancel my service, please.” And then there are arguments, the young sales representatives on the other end don’t want to lose a customer and they must argue with you about keeping your service.
Then, if you got no cash, think of selling things. How much are your things worth? Used things? Figure what you bought them for and then depreciation. Can you remember what you bought your shit for? How much that plasma TV cost and its attendant stand and etceteras. Your marble Ganesh statue? Will anybody else pay, $595 plus shipping for it, now?
How about your books. Some fresh books I bought for $400 now are $2 a book I read online. There were 18 volumes, that makes them $36.
$125 sandalwood statues, I bought years ago of Mahalakshmi (what a joke) and Saraswati (culture and education, another joke) now probably 5 or 10 dollars. And who would take advantage of you this way, your fellow devotees of course who are doing you a favor because no one else gives a damn for “that SHIT.” When you heard someone say they are Christian this is why, to set themselves apart from you, not to serve the will of Jesus Christ although apparently Christ’s only will was to convert the world to Christianity. When that’s done he’ll come again.
But, all that keeps the bank account safe. That’s really how they conduct the wars nowadays. That’s how they are “losing” the “war on drugs” they say on TV. Drug dealers are still making bundles of money, but former pot smokers like our humble self wallow in poverty, our hair cut short, no parties and no rock and roll music.
So is it the war on drugs, religious divisions or something personal? I can’t figure it out.
I’ll bet there is a lot personal going on with the big drug pushers. Who screwed who, who took who’s girlfriend, who made the other look like a fool, who will get into the harder drugs and who won’t, who’s the good two shoes and who’s hard core?
I can’t believe all the good friends and family who have abandoned me. These collectors are getting more and more serious as I fall further and further behind.
If you make mistakes these days you pay for them so there should be a new promotion for the school and universities showing a man being executed because he didn’t KNOW something. A big stern face should should appear like, if you can’t do the time, don’t do the crime. There’s a lot more than time to crime, buddy, but they don’t tell you that. Employers will look at your criminal record and even though it says on your form that it will not affect your hiring, it WILL.
KNOW THIS, the length of your hair will keep you from getting work.
AND THIS, joining with your friends at the every popular pot parties will
keep you from getting work.
AND THIS, if you have strong counter culture opinions this too will keep
you from getting work.
When I first started out on the Internet with the computer, trying to reach out and get some help, I posted a lot on a discussion board for Mother Jones called Live Wire. Clinton was still president but I was hardly aware of it I think. I wanted to meet people or just talk. The Live Wire was someplace to talk abut the issues of the day. I had learned some minor tricks with html after a class in community ed. and I used my new knowledge in my posts to the discussion forums. It upset some of the old guard. One fellow said he was going to break my fingers and he scared me. Of course he couldn’t find me. There was too much security and I hadn’t disclosed my name and address, still these fellows had big voices and posted long wordy posts about government or the lack of it and seemed to be real important daddyos. There was a nice woman on my side whose nickname was Toad Woman. She lived up in Baltimore and had a kid and a brother who was fucked up from being in Vietnam and she worked in computers in unix, whatever that was. She suggested I get work in fiberoptics but that my eyesight would suffer. Fiber optic, she explained, was the latest high speed internet medium. She was a nice woman and we called ourselves keyboard friends.
My posts to Live Wire were often in defense of counter cultural positins, like nudity and legalized marijuana and I was treated like a nut. I would talk about Gurus and meditation and they gave me the cult label. One post said something about Eddie Bryan having a space ship that had just landed. Another spoke of the “brown acid” as in Woodstock. I wasn’t taken seriously and like I said a fellow said he was going to break my fingers and it scared me.
I told my online teacher who was teaching an online course on being onlin. Her name was Michelle Ratliff. From her name I knew she was a womana. I knew that from semesters before when I looked at the courses I was going to have to take and who taught them. What did she look like, though, I wondered. Finally, one day I got to see her. I had a problem with WinZip. She told me it was very easy but it was difficult for me so she invited me to her office. She was very attractive and looked a lot like a young woman I h ad a crush on in college. This girl was the girl friend of one of the guys I had met going to Santa Fe College in the 70’s and in fact we had a falling out that led to a fight over her. She was in art, though. Her name was Carol. So, I was already attracted to this teacher and this teacher was younger than me. The thing was, we had had this argument at the beginning of the semester when I had given an answer to a test question that Earthlink, a well known Internet Service Provider had given on its installation disk. It was wrong. The question was about URL. What did it mean? Earthlink’s disk said it meant Universal Resource Locater but the academic answer is Uniform Resource Locater. Well I didn’t get an A because of that and the work in this class was difficult. It wasn’t just this class it was all the classes and I was worried that if I didn’t get a good grade I could have my grant and loan cut as was the law that come in these more and more conservative days. Jeb Bush was Governor. He cut back education. He cut back academic freedom. If you got convicted of a drug related offense at school you lost your loan and grant and you couldn’t come to school. It’s still that way. Since Jeb Bush succeeded in becoming Governor and electing his brother to the presidency, no other party has held power in Florida.
This little incident, with a teacher I actually liked, has caused me to not be allowed back into Santa Fe College in Gainesville, Florida. I haven’t been able to get a job with the Certificate in Business Data Processing I got from it, either.
Another incident that happened while I was taking this online class was I was out late at night, there were Raves in Gainesville in those days, and a fellow popped out of black truck like vehicle and screamed out at me, “YOU’RE A FAGGOT!!!” It was something that may have been half true but I didn’t appreciate the fellows tone. In fact it sounded like he was going to assault me. And as I took a little closer look at him I recognized a person from my past, a young man with short hair who tended to the conservative view of things. I shared this with my Internet teacher. You see, since this was a wholly online class e-mail was a necessity. Many teachers didn’t pay any attention to the messages you sent them, the classes being held on campus actually, but here it was more necessary. I’m not sure but somehow Ms. Ratliff got to hear me pouring my heart out. The years of living with my parents, alone, without friends. I had to speak to someone and I spoke a couple of volumes to her. YOU could hear me at any discussion board though, if you wanted to. I didn’t think I was doing anything frowned upon in telling the woman some things that were difficult for me including my feelings about sexual preferences. If I was gay or bisexual would I be less likely to be hired? Would I be harrassed, assaulted? It worried me. Would I become a sissy, swishing and lisping and would I be hated in my family, which is very good at hating with out anyone calling it hate. I shared these things with Michelle and I got a man to take over. I got an old Jewish man take over and throw me out of her class. A man in the money, in the accounting, a spreadsheets man.
I was going to say that but the reaction to it was such that it made me think such statements were against the law, that there was no freedom of speech in America anymore.
Welcome to FLA. It’s bigger than NYC.
I was encouraged by the home schooling of Tim Tebow. In my unemployment I learned many things, too. I read many books and improved my writing skills through a correspondance course.
It’s nice to be able to think of the Tebow experience when I reflect on my years. Often it is met with criticism for not having a job in those days. I still don’t have a job and I continue to search for one.
I was just looking at the Wells Fargo ad that came with the new credit card that replaces the Wachovia credit card. It’s never been easier to pay our bills. Isn’t that delightful?
I imagine some usurer working for the Godfather telling you that at the pool hall. “It’s easy now,” he intones in his Brooklyn Italian accent,” you can do it electronically now.”